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Monday, April 20, 2009

waving good-bye

Lauren left here this morning, with all her things loaded in her car, ready to move to Seattle in a couple of weeks. I think it caught us all by surprise when we realized that she was leaving Taos for good this time. She's come and gone so much the last few years, with college and her stint in Denver, we sort of forgot that she was actually prepping to make a big move this trip. When she took down the dusty wooden "Lauren's Room" sign that swung above her door for the last eight years, it got real for me. I don't need to tell you, this mommy cried, more than a little bit.

You'd think I'd be used to it by now. All my kids, but especially Lauren, have left me plenty of times. I remember the first time Lauren "let me go". She was seven years old, and I was dropping her off at school in Seattle. Normally, she would hop out of the car, and skip through the school yard, and up to the door, turning every few steps to wave and blow kisses. I'd watch her until she was inside, waving and blowing kisses back. But on this particular day, she hopped out of the car, spotted a friend, and darted away, forgetting about me completely. I sat there stunned, and just barely made it back home before I fell apart, sobbing to Rick. It was awful. I was in a poetry writing phase back then, and somewhere there's a poem called, "She Let Me Go Today"...

Now at least I know she'll keep coming back. With our many ups and downs as a mother/daughter team, nothing has ever gone so terribly wrong that she's left me for good. We bicker. A lot. But we also talk on the phone almost every day. And even though I'm still sitting here feeling a little weepy, I'm so happy for her, and so proud of her. Seattle will be a great place for her again, and not too scary, because her brother is there too, and will in fact, be her roommate. Now we just need to get Julia back to the North West, and everyone will be centrally located again, where we can easily reach each other, but will still have some space. Taos wasn't a mistake, but it's not where we all need to settle, if settling is possible for a family like us.

As Lauren pulled out of the driveway today, waving and blowing kisses, Rick and Julia and I all waved and blew kisses back, and nobody will forget anybody this time. We know that much now.


Michelle (in UK) said...

Ahhh, sorry Kim ~~ BIG HUG ~~ but you're right, no-one will forget anyone...

Deborah Rael-Buckley said...

....well-I guess we will fell the same way when we are blowing kisses to you two as you drive off into the's something we are very conflicted on you know. Can't wait to celebrate with you, though.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to your weepy issues, my daughter is all grown up and doesn't need me like she used to, guess we've done a good job as mothers.

I want to let you know that I made a necklace out of the goddess bead I bought from you some time ago. I'll put a photo of my rendition of the Birth of Venus on my blog:

Beadily yours
Susan Feldkamp
Night Beader

P said...

I've been feeling the same way. Happy that my daughter is strong enough to 'spread those gorgeous wings and fly', but I do miss her terribly. You are lucky that Lauren is in the States, mine is in Japan, with no phone, so I eagerly await her emails or the occasional online chat. Isn't it a bonus when you discover that your kids have grown into people that you like and would choose to hang out with even if you hadn't birthed them. :) Have fun decorating your new gypsy wagon!


Carolina Elizabeth said...

My first baby girl was a premie, all 2 lbs of her. She has been several steps early at everything since then (now she is 14yrs-old). After a couple of weeks of Pre-K her teacher said she was concerned about the "separation anxiety. “ I said “oh no, just look at her. She is perfectly comfortable and at easy. “ She said “Not Alexia, ma’am (yes, she called me ma’am) I am talking about you. We do not appreciate parents lingering about. It is distracting to the children.” Deep inside I understood. But, I thought “what does she have to hide?” “What is her problem?” I did what she asked as painful as it was, but it was good for both of us. That way we could both go back to our own schools. My heart goes out to you. Good luck!!!!